Marilyn with her red lips.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." 
— Marilyn Monroe


Ahh, the famous Marilyn Monroe. She was such a lost woman, but she spoke so many truths. Everything happens, because you are supposed to learn something from it. Only strong people don't make the same mistakes, and can truly learn. I hear so often, "why do things change?" Well, they change, so that you can learn about yourself and how much strength you have. If the world stayed the same, it wouldn't be only boring, but we would get no where. Things go wrong all the time, in everyone's world. It's just how it is. But things go wrong, so you can look back and appreciate the time spent when it was going good. Or so that the next time, you can take it all in and enjoy it when it's right. We all believe lies. But "a wise woman listens, but doesn't believe." Friends, guys, girls, parents, family, babies... everyone lies. You just have to not only figure out the truths, but know the only people you can trust are yourself and God. Good things fall apart, so better things can fall together. Yes, because when you have good, why would you settle? Why not strive for the best? If it's one thing I've learned this summer, especially for girls... don't settle for good, when you deserve the best. Girls you deserve a guy who only sees you when you walk into the room. A guy who knows where he wants to go in life, and is running after that. A guy, no matter how many girls he's had before you, doesn't even remember their names when he's with you. A guy who would crawl over broken glass, just to see you smile. A guy who knows that even though he has never met every other woman in the world, you are the only one that mattes. A guy who doesn't treat you like a queen, but like Christ treated the church and loved it. Don't settle for a man who treats you anything less than the world. When you begin to care about someone more than they care about you, get out. No matter what. It may be the hardest thing you ever have to do. But Christ died for us, and yes as the church, we love Jesus... but we could never love him as much as he's loved us. You deserve for the man to be Christ, and to love you more than you love him. So often I see girls, myself included, that settle with heartbreak. Everyone is gonna break your heart at one time. It's when your heart is broken, that you truly find who you are. You find out what you're made of. And if you can find happiness in all of that sadness, then you are a strong person. And friends. Why do we settle for friends? Bad friendships fall apart, so we can find someone else to stand beside. I've lost so many friends through the middle school and high school years... but you deserve a friend who would drive across town and be there at 4 in the morning, if you just needed someone to talk to. A friend that puts themselves first, because we are human we all do it, but allows you to be first sometimes. A friend that keeps your secrets when they should be kept. You deserve a friend who will stand beside you in the rain. You know, friendships and relationships are the hardest things. You've just got to find someone worth all of the pain. Pain pushes you on. There are many types of pains. But it's back to the lies. You've got to figure out for yourself what type of pain is worth enduring, or what type is the kind we are meant to let go. When you finally let go of the pain, begin to see appreciate things when they are right, trust only yourself, and know that better things come from good things aftermath... when you do all of these things, you realize Marilyn Monroe may have been lost, but she got it right.

The shovel of God.

Have you ever lost sight of who you were? Not because you meant to, but because you finally settled. One of my best friends, Stella, told me the other day that she thought I would never slow down. She reminded me of my dreams to move to New York and fall in love. She reminded me of who I was. She reminded me of who I still am, now that I can see clearly. When I fell in love with God, I didn't have to give up my dreams. I had to give up pursuing them, if they weren't what God wanted for me. I thought losing sight of who I was came along with giving God control. I settled these past few months. I've been settling since January of this year. Actually, I've been settling my whole life. God deserves my best, and he will never cause me to settle. He will provide the best out there for me, including a career, man, and friends. "Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed, some women aren't meant to run wild and free until they find someone who can run with them." Why do we settle? I've found that when we settle, it's harder to move on. You know why? Because we aren't giving ourselves enough credit, so we feel like there is something more left. When we do not live the lives God has called us to live, we settle deeper, deeper, and deeper into the dirt, causing it to be harder for us to get out. But I've learned, especially now that all is said and done, that I have a pretty good shovel - God. Have you ever fought for something? Fought with it all of your might? And fought until you almost killed yourself? Well I have. And don't ever fight for another person, who doesn't want to be fought for. Don't give your heart to someone, that doesn't believe in you. Don't fight for anything other than God's glory and will. Have you ever lost sight of who you were, because of something you've fought for? I have. This is a new year. I'm finally a senior. A senior. I have my whole life before me. My heart is finally in the right place, and I can look forward to my future with God. I know now who I am. Who I want to be. And who I was. i will never be here again, I promise. For once in my life, I will learn without making the same mistake twice. I have finally let go. And i'm fighting for God now. That's it. Because God is the only one who can run with me, until I know it's okay, not to settle, but slow down.

The five things.

What do you do when you've given everything you've got and you just feel like giving in? You push on. When you get to this point, don't push on for the same reasons. There are five things that I am working on right now, and these things are changing all of my reasons. Trust, following, patience, forgiveness and happiness. Trust is something that I do way to easily, which is why I always end up back in the same place. I must trust the Lord, with everything in me, that there are plans bigger than the ones I have set my heart on. Have you ever thought about that? When God has your heart and you set it on something other than His glory, you are stealing it away because it is no longer yours. I must trust in the Lord with all of my friendships, relationships, and the futures that come out of any of those. Following is something that I do not do very well. I have always been told I am a leader, but I think that's just because I fight for what I believe in. I have never let anyone stand in the way of my dreams. But I have never had to surrender, and give someone else control. Why is it that we are driven by pain, and not by the will of the Lord? I MUST give Lord control, because I am not doing a very good job at it. Following behind someone who knows everything you've ever seen, more than you do, and everything you haven't, should not be so hard. Has God made it so hard to follow him, offering rewards if we do? or are we just stubborn? Patience. It's such a simple word, but it describes time. Time is the center of everything. Patience must come with  school, falling in love, friendships, and growing up. Time is all around us. But I know that I must learn to be patient, because the Lord has it all in his own time. What is a year? What is a decade? It is a blink in God's eye. Think about that next time you want to rush something.. you have eternity with God. Time doesn't matter, if your using it for His glory. Forgiveness, not forgetfulness. People say you should always forgive, never forget. I beg to differ. When you are legitimately forgiven, then it is legitimately forgotten. I have screwed up so many times, and so has every other thing with air in it's lungs. But I believe that not forgiving someone only hurts you. They can continue on with their lives, while the whole time you are left hurt and torn. Not getting forgiveness from someone is also hard sometimes, especially when you've forgiven them time after time. God did not call us to hold "unforgiveness" in our hearts, he did tell us to forgive and I honestly think he wants us to forget. Happiness. One thing i've learned is it comes from inside. This summer, I lost myself. I lost the person that I was, while searching for who I wanted to be. I know now who I want to be, and that person is happy. I love being happy, just as much as anyone else does, so why do we live off of pain? Why does pain drive us so much further than happiness? We learn more from pain, than we do happiness because we take it for granted. But happiness shouldn't be just when things are going good. Happiness should be obvious when things are going bad. When things are going bad, you should be thankful that you've had something to fight for or to lose. When you're happy because things are good, you aren't truly happy. It's when things are bad, and you're happy, that you are one of a kind. I don't want to be happy when things are good, I've learned that I can be happy, even more so, when things are bad. God is happiness. God is truthful and trustworthy. God is THE leader. God is patient. God is forgiving. God is what I know can help me with these five things.

It's about learning.

At the beginning of this summer, I asked myself a question... What are you gonna learn? Now at the end of the summer, I can finally answer it. I have learned who God is. I have learned that I am way to easy to read, and that life with a little mystery is good. I've learned that i must not say everything I feel. I've learned that it is okay to feel. I've learned that people don't always want to hear about you, actually they never do. I've learned that the only truth you can trust are your own words and God's. I've learned that the people you thought would be there, wouldn't be. You shouldn't say everything you feel. You shouldn't believe everything you see. I've learned that everything happens, not for a reason, but for a lesson. I've learned that boys are stupid, but girls are stupider. People will have an opinion of you, and no matter what you say, you can't change that. But if you believe in who you are, you will know that it's not true and begin to show the world. I've learned that summer isn't just about tanning and the beach, it's about devotion and finding yourself. Hearts break. It's okay to admit that. I've learned that you truly do learn from your parents. I've learned that the happiest times, are when you are happy with yourself. I've learned that the true best friends are there, even when they aren't. I've learned that you should never give up your passion and trade it in. You should never give up your body, girls, to anyone other than your husband. Any part of it. Because when he's gone, he'll have that part. And God deserves your all. I've learned that God doesn't want you to give up your dreams, he just wants to change them to bigger ones. I've learned that the dreams you have, can't be as beautiful as the ones God does. This summer has shown that the best things come out of heartbreak. Because when you lose yourself, is when you gain the world. Especially when you lose yourself by giving it up to God. I've learned that mistakes are made and smiles fade. Pain may be in the night, but joy comes in the morning. I've learned that people are beautiful, inside and out. This summer has grown me up more than any other summer before. This summer has been amazing. So ask yourself, "What are you gonna learn?"

So I beat you. I'm five. You're old. Gonna cry?

This past Sunday, a little kid at my church gave me the best advice I've ever heard... "Don't give up. So I beat you. I'm five. You're old. You gonna cry?"

I started thinking about this. How often do we see people give up? Every day. Every single day, someone takes the easy way out. Why is it that this little kid, at five years old, understand what so many people can't see? Humans give up way to easily. They see something they want, they go for it. If it isn't what they expected it to be, they move on to the next thing. I believe that when you don't give up on something, you truly see the potential of it. There are so many things in my life that I could have given up on. My faith. I could continue to seek my own plans, or trust in God & fight my old ways. My friends. Love. Happiness. When I was 15, I started running for a hobby. The first day I got out there, it took me 30 minutes to run a mile. Today, it takes me 30 minutes to run 2.5 miles. I didn't give up. Fear is such a funny thing. It's a four letter word, but yet it is the only thing that keeps us from living. People don't follow God, because the fear of losing yourself and having someone else plan you're life. People don't fall head over heels for someone, because they are scared the other person won't fall either. People are scared of change, because they are so comfortable with their own lives. Fear keeps us from truly living. I'm at this point in my life, where I can fight for who I want to be and the people I want to be around me. If my fear of getting hurt, losing myself for God, or changing were to keep me from that, I would regret it for the rest of my life. I've never been scared, and you shouldn't be either. It's during the free falls of life that people feel the wind. Right now, I'm free falling and when I hit the bottom, I'm not scared. I've got a parachute, his name is God. Am I going to cry about all of the things I'm scared of in life? Or am I going let my fears push me out into the unknown, and not give up? I won't give up. Because Christ didn't die on the cross, for you to give up your fight.

The fourth quarter.

For 18 years of your life, you are forced to live under your parents care and to go to school. Whether it be public or private school, it's still required. It's when you start wrapping up that last year of these requirements, that you start to look back on who you were, all of the memories,  and who you have become. Imagine the last year of your high school career coming up and looking back. Do you enjoy what you see? There are so many lessons to learn in this world, so many things to see, do & feel. I look back and I see myself running. I've always called myself a runner. I have found that the things I've enjoyed most in life flee way to quickly anyways, so why stand still? Life is beautiful at a fast pace. Don't slow down for anyone. I used to search for people on this earth who would never let you down and would be a reason to stop. There is no such thing. The only one who will never let you down is God. But you have to find the people in your life that are worth walking for, since life never stops. When you find those people, don't let them go. Hold on until they are the ones running. God has given me a reason to stop. He has slowed me down and I see the world from such a beautiful place now. I've always been told that I'm changing, but that's because I'm finding where I belong. All I know is that I belong running, walking, skipping, jumping, whatever it is God has called me to be. For three years of high school, I searched for who I was. I am finally going in my senior year, knowing who I want to be. Senior Year... whoah. I had so many plans for the way that this would be, the friends I would have, the guy I would spend it with. I look back and I see a girl wanting to be someone the world labeled her to be. A girl who wanted to be liked. Alcohol, drugs, sexual things and vanity all ruled my life. But now that I look back, I just wanted to find happiness. Some of the happiest things I have ever felt is when I finally found a best friend who tells the truth and will be there, when I realized God has been fighting for me all along, when the guy of my dreams looked at my and smiled after he got off an airplane, when I finally looked in the mirror and thought I was beautiful, when my father & mother sat me down and told me why they were happy I was their daughter... so many things have made me happy. And none of them are the things that I thought would bring me happiness. I look back and I see high school as a game with four quarters, and my last quarter is coming up. There won't be overtime, because I've given it my all. With 12 minutes left in the game, I see that high school is about searching for yourself, who you want to be, who you don't want to be, who you were and happiness.  The happiest of my times were when I was happy with myself. And I am happiest with myself, when I am given my life to God. The fourth quarter is gonna be over before I know it... but it's just getting started. I'm going to give it my all, do what God needs me to do in my school & community, and I'm going to end this one happy with the time spent. I'm going to end blessed to know the other players on my team or the other team. I realize that I keep talking about the end. But why start something, if you don't know what you want out of it? This is only the beginning. :)